Sex and intimacy can be a subject that we don’t really think about too much unless things start to go wrong in those areas. Our relationship may well have started by enjoying the heady, intoxicating ‘can’t keep our hand off each other’ times, then gradually settled down a little. We appreciate that work pressures, family demands, stress can make us tired and affect our libido. It may be a while before we start to realise that our sex life has become a little unsatisfactory.
Here are five top tips to help improve your sex life:
– Appreciate that not every intimate contact has to lead to full intercourse. I often hear people say that they avoid being physically affectionate when they are too tired for sex because they don’t want to risk disappointing their partner who takes any sign of closeness as sexual encouragement.
As time passes a couple often discover that they have different sex drives. One person may have a higher sex drive than the other, but it is possible to find positive ways to accommodate both people in a healthy sexual relationship.
Discuss how you feel about sex and intimacy when you are both calm and relaxed. Explain that the times when you don’t want full sex do not mean rejection or lack of sexual interest in your partner. Be clear that you want to cuddle, pet and be playful, but not always take it all the way.
– Avoid routine. Some couples say that their sex lives have become dull and routine in regard to the time, place and positions they use. Sometimes routine can be comfortable and familiar, but be aware of the importance of injecting spontaneity, freshness and novelty at other times.
Discuss what you’d like to try, fantasies you might like to act out. Whilst it might feel a little embarrassing at first to reveal your secret desires your partner may well be thrilled to discover what you have in mind. Perhaps buy sexy magazines, watch DVD’s together, play games, dress up and enjoy learning about each other.
– Share what you like and don’t like, what turns you on and off. There may be things that you really don’t want to try, and it’s important to be clear about that. But equally if you’d like your partner to do something else/different/extra let them know either verbally, or with a guiding hand or moving in such a way that shows them what you want.
When your partner discovers how much pleasure they give you by doing the things you really like he/she will be more than happy to oblige. Your pleasure increases their pleasure
– Take turns to initiate sex. If one person always initiates sex they can feel that their partner is not interested, doesn’t fancy them, is bored with sex. Demonstrating that you desire them sexually is a turn on in itself, especially if you’ve been together for sometime. That in itself can be enough to revitalise your relationship.
Remember, there are less overt ways to demonstrate intimacy. Offer to share a bath, give them a massage, read erotic poetry to them, play sensual music, cook a cosy intimate supper; these are all ways to introduce a sensual or even sexual atmosphere and show that you find them attractive.
– Look after yourself. Libido can be affected by stress, physical conditions like diabetes, medication, post childbirth. It is important to check with your doctor if your sex drive has changed significantly. There are often things that the GP can do to help.
Take care of yourself physically. Eating healthily, exercising, avoiding bad habits you do what you can to stay fit and active, able to enjoy a healthy sex life for as long as possible. Also, take care of yourself mentally. Be interested in current affairs, the latest films, what is happening locally. Keep your conversation fresh and interesting and you will feel more positive and upbeat, with lots of topics to discuss.
Good hygiene is also important in staying attractive to your partner; showering, looking after your teeth, wearing clean clothes, making an effort to dress nicely, especially for a date night together demonstrates respect for them and for the relationship.